these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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