The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
