Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
