Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
