Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
