You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
