He kissed a someone with a penis
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
