My first STD was from a foam party
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
