I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
