I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
