Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
