Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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