Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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