so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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