Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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