Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
