I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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