wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
