Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
