Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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