I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
