I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
