So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
