i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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