theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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