Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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