i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
