my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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