Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
