Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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