I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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