Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
