it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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