My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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