you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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