yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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