four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i think my cat just said my name.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
