You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
