it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
