Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Be still, my beating vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
