I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
