i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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