Jerry, you need to find god
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
