Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
