ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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