you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
