maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
