So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
