Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
