At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
