Michael Bay diarrhea
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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