I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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