dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
