How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
