I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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