The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
