I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
