Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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