come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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