how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
