In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
