My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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