i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
