At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
