you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
