after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
